Get in, loser, we're going to talk about 'Mean Girls'

Theater critic Lindsay Christians and I throw down on the movie musical movie.

With the release of the “Mean Girls” movie, which is based on the hit musical, which was based on the hit movie, which is based on the book “Queen Bees and Wannabees,” (who says Hollywood is out of ideas?) Madison Cap Times theater critic Lindsay Christians and I thought we’d do something special.

In the past, Lindsay and I have done back-and-forth chats on things in pop culture that crossed over our beats, including the Apple TV+ show “Schmigadoon” and the “Dear Evan Hansen” movie. So we both saw “Mean Girls” last week and had sharply differing reactions to it. Here’s our conversation:

Rob: First of all, Lindsay, what are you doing writing on my Substack? You don’t even GO here!

Secondly, and seriously, thank you for talking “Mean Girls” with me! Both of us saw the touring musical when it played in Madison in 2022 (you gave it an enthusiastic review in the Cap Times) and we’re both fans of the original 2004 movie, so we wanted to do a “Tale of Two Critics” back-and-forth like we did for the “Dear Evan Hansen” movie. (We don’t ONLY have to talk about high school musicals, by the way.)

I feel pretty safe in saying that this new “Mean Girls” is substantially better than “Evan,” and if it doesn’t measure up to the original, I t thought it was still a fun time at the movies that stands on its own. Aside from being a musical version of the same story, it really benefits from having Tina Fey take another crack at her original script, adding new jokes (including a couple of very funny meta-musical ones) while retaining the spirit of the original. 

And I think the movie does successfully incorporate the biggest change to teenager-dom since 2004 – social media. Not only is the chorus of TikTokers and Snapchatters well-deployed to chart the social ups and downs Cady (Angourie Rice) and Regina (Renee Rapp), but the staging of the musical numbers seem inspired by the TikTok Generation itself. Many of the songs feature the main performer close up in the dead center of the screen, singing directly to camera. “Mean Girls” may be the first movie musical designed to be viewed in portrait mode.

What were your reactions?

Lindsay: Oh my gosh, you guys. I really did want this to Make Fetch Happen, but what we have here is a movie that’s likely to satisfy neither fans of the original film nor fans of the musical. Both of which include me. 

At its best, “Mean Girls” has fangs. When Cady moves from Kenya to suburban Chicago and begins to make connections between the rules of the animal kingdom and the hierarchy of high school, the casual cruelty of the Plastics should sting. 

Instead, we have a doe-eyed milquetoast heroine leading an ensemble of characters who are trying way too hard, undermined by a film that doesn’t believe in itself. Of the handful of songs that remain from the musical, re-orchestration and frenetic, staccato choreography saps them of their power. They kept some of the dumbest lyrics (“if you treat me bad/ I'll say, ‘You're bad’”) and rewrote others, to mixed results. 

Even “Apex Predator,” arguably Jeff Richmond and Nell Benjamin’s best number, sounds diluted. A powerhouse female duet for Janis (Auli'i Cravalho, stunning, iconic) and Cady gets revoiced and cluttered, the frame filled with students who look like they’re in an Intro to Drama class. (“OK, now you’re a flamingo. Now you’re a cat!”) I found myself looking for payoff moments and revelations that never came. 

The “Mean Girls” musical, more than the original film, found moments of heart. “What’s Wrong with Me,” sung by fragile Gretchen (Bebe Wood), feels unearned here, though Wood has a lovely voice. 

In the musical, sweet, ditzy Karen (Avantika) gets to show that she has real emotional intelligence, and how her trusting nature makes her vulnerable. In the new movie she’s just inhaling soda through a straw and constantly blinking in surprise. Karen’s big song, an ode to Halloween and “modern feminism” called “Sexy,” is so frantic we miss half the jokes. (And they’re good jokes!) 

But listen: I loved Jaquel Spivey’s Damian, Janis’s “too gay to function” bestie. Spivey starred in “A Strange Loop” on Broadway, and he’s the perfect level of camp. He stole every scene. As I texted you after the movie, Rob, I would follow him into Mordor or wherever. Anywhere.  

I’m here for Renee Rapp’s Regina, too. She wrote a new “I want” song, “What Ifs,” for Cady, and she has the kind of charismatic magnetism required of a queen bee. She makes me want a cast album out of this. 

Here’s the thing, I don’t think the producers had the courage of their convictions. All of the promos and trailers for the film were set to Olivia Rodrigo or Megan Thee Stallion — who has a cameo! Which is fun. Still, it’s like they wanted to make a movie musical but not tell anyone it’s a musical? Like hedging their bets: Please like me, please like me. What I took from the spare reorchestration and shaky social-media-esque filming was a lack of commitment. 

Also why do movie musicals keep killing off parents? “In the Heights” killed off Nina’s mom. Cady used to have a dad, but here it’s just Jenna Fischer (“The Office”). Is this a Disney thing? A time thing? 

Rob: I agree with you that “Mean Girls” seemed strangely timid about actually being a musical (although, based on reactions from some audience members who didn’t even realize it was a musical, maybe that was wise?). And I agree that Spivey and Cravalho basically steal the show, especially since that as Cady, Rice doesn’t really have the insecure magnetism of Lindsay Lohan. (Are they growing new Amy Adamses in a lab somewhere? Is that wise?)

But I thought the comedic material in between the songs, including cameos by Jon Hamm, Conor Ratliff and especially Tim Meadows reprising his role as the school’s harried principal are strong. And the back half of the songs, especially Cravalho’s showstopping “I’d Rather Be Me,” are much stronger than the front half, which is not usually my experience with musicals.

I guess what we can agree on is that the new “Mean Girls” best serves as a reminder that there’s a better movie, and a better musical ,available. Even if some of the performers here do undeniably have “schquillz.” 

Lindsay: (Ahhh, we will not make schquillz happen, EVER.)