Why am I so obsessed with horror movie spoilers?

I won't see "Final Destination Bloodlines." So why do I care what happens in it?

The late great Tony Todd would be really disappointed in me.

I didn’t go see “Final Destination Bloodlines” last weekend. I doubt I will ever go see “Final Destination Bloodlines.” In fact, I’ve never seen any of the “Final Destination” movies. Bloody slasher movies where the characters die one by one in spectacular fashion? Not really my thing.

And yet I know how every single character in “Final Destination Bloodlines” dies.

That’s because I have this strange compulsion, a literal morbid curiosity, to seek out spoilers when a new horror movie comes out. Especially for movies that I have no interest in actually seeing. I just gotta know what happens.

I’m the one to blame for the proliferation of “The Ending of X, Explained” clickbait articles that patiently explain even the most obvious climax to the most oblivious readers. If Slate runs a spoiler-free and a spoilerrific review of a horror movie side by side, I’ll bypass the spoiler-free one in a heartbeat.

But my main supplier of gruesome spoilers will always be TheMovieSpoiler.com, in which readers submit the most detailed spoilers of a movie in this most banal present-tense language. I revel in learning how characters I know nothing about meet their demise (“Cal tells Nicole not to open the closet but she ignores him and the meat cleaver falls out.”) Who are Cal and Nicole? No idea. But I need to know how they meet their makers.

When I like a horror movie, I tend to love it, such as “Sinners” this year or “It Follows” and “The Babadook” in past years. But in general it’s not a genre I seek out. It’s just not my thing to sit scared in a movie theater, waiting for the tension to break and wondering how this character or that character is going to meet an ugly end.

But I want to know what that ugly end is going to be. Maybe that explains my compulsion with spoilers – I want to skip past that tension and get to the catharsis. It could be that because I suffer from actual night terrors, I don’t need to pay somebody else to provide them to me?

It’s cheating, I know. Writers have spent time developing a story, a director has used all their skills to build suspense, actors have employed their gifts to make you connect emotionally with them – all those skills brought together to make a great horror movie.

And I just want to cheat and find out who ended up on the business end of that chainsaw. If it was any other genre, it would be sound more bizarre. Like if I said that I hated romcoms, but I just had to go online and find out if Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey get married at the end of their movie.

I don’t really have a larger point to make here. It’s just something I’ve noticed about myself, and wondered if it’s something anybody else experiences as well. Like that unlucky boyfriend in “The Vanishing,” I just need to know.

Oh, and sorry to hear about the MRI machine, Erik. That sounded really painful.